Some babies bawl when they are warm, fed and dry. A regulatory disorder is often behind the inexplicable crying, known as colic. Colicky babies react very sensitively to their surroundings and tend to be irritable. Their parents must learn to relax and better understand the child's signals.
Is the child's crying normal? "A lot of parents are unsure whether their child has colic," said Sabine Ulrich, a psychotherapeutic practitioner in Hamburg. Colic is usually diagnosed by the "rule of threes": The infant is younger than three-months-old and cries more than three hours a day at least three days a week for longer than three weeks.
Babies who cry less frequently can also worry parents, though. "It's not the degree of severity but the perception of the problem that counts," noted Ulrich, who has been counselling affected parents for eight years.
Margret Ziegler, a "colic consultation" physician at the Munich Children's Centre, also sees subjective strain as crucial. "As soon as parents feel they can't cope, we help," she said.
Most parents are at their wit's end by the time they seek medical health, Ulrich said. Although "all of them hope to get a grip on the problem themselves somehow," they often simply aggravate it, she remarked. They carry around the baby, rock it and sing to it for hours, but pass on their inner stress while doing so.
"In rare cases they even shake the baby out of anger or desperation," Ziegler said. "Under no circumstances should parents do this, of course, because it can result in serious injury."
"Almost one child in five cries excessively in the first three months of life," pointed out Paula Diederichs, a psychotherapist and director of several colic clinics in Berlin. The cause is often not abdominal pain but sensory and behavioural regulatory difficulties.
"During the first weeks of life, all kinds of sensory impressions impinge unfiltered on the baby, which can lead to overstimulation," Ziegler said.
There are many possible reasons that some children cry a lot and others less. "Some women have stressful pregnancies and pass on stress hormones to the foetus," Diederichs said. A difficult birth or stressful experience - such as a move into a new home or marital separation - can also affect the child.
A further problem, Diederichs said, is that "mothers sometimes put too much pressure on themselves by wanting to do everything perfectly."
The first thing done at a colic clinic is an examination by a paediatric physician. "Sometimes the crying has physical causes, for example milk intolerance," Ulrich said.
A conversation with the parents follows. "We want to learn as much as possible about life with the baby," Ziegler said. When does it cry? For how long? How do the parents feel? What do they do to pacify the baby?
At the colic clinic in Munich, video recordings are made of parents and their baby. In Berlin, house visits are possible. Finally, the clinics always provide individual solution strategies. "First of all, we help parents to be able to relax again," Ziegler said.
Diederichs said, "We look for ways to relieve their daily routines, for example timeouts and support for the mothers." And there are relaxation techniques for the babies. "We try to lower their irritation threshold with massages, special ways of holding them and humming sounds," she added.
Little by little, the colicky baby and its parents find more peace and quiet.
Ulrich sees salvation in relaxation. "Often a baby with colic is totally exhausted and overtired," she said. So the first step is two weeks of helping the baby go to sleep. "After that, I use sleep training to help the parents and baby find a regular sleep-wake rhythm."
Parents frequently have to learn how to interpret their child's signs of tiredness, such as blinking, rubbing the eyes and arching the back. "If you know the baby's body language, it's easier to avoid overstimulation," Diederichs said.
In Ziegler's view, it is also very important to consciously underscore positive moments with the baby. "The good times make it easier to endure the strenuous phases," she remarked.
Parents should not expect quick fixes, however. "It takes a little time before the vicious circle is broken," Ziegler warned. The key, she said, is to keep trying and not give up. For families under particularly heavy stress, a family helper could sometimes baby-sit.
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